I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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