If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize