You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
