Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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