at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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