good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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