So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she smelled like a LAN party
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
