Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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