dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
