Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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