Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize