i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
