ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
