if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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