I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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