Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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