2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
