Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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