this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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