woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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