Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
