Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
