How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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