I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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