I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize