absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
