sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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