we have officially lost it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
