so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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