thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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