Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
