there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
