im having a threesome with these popsicles
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
