i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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