i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
