so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize