Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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