I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
