hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
