she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
