yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
