The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
