So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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