Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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