I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
