When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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