Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
