If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
