also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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