seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
