I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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