I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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