I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
