This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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