my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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