we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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