i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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