I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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