so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
