HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
