I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
