if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
