I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize