i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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