dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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