I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
