my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
