my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
