Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
