I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize