i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
