I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
