It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
